PRICE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS 


PN 6120 
.C5 H34 
Copy 1 



























NEW PLAYS 

★I'VE GOT TO GO TO THE MOVIES. 25 cents. A farce 

in 2 acts, by Erastus Osgood. 6 male, 6 female characters. 1 simple interior. 
Time, 1 y 2 hours or longer, according to musical numbers introduced. Very 

funny situations arise from a supposed threat of the Ku Klux Klan to stern 

parents (who object to “The Movies”) forcing them to permit members of 
their household to attend “The Movies” with their sweethearts, and by the 
young folks also receiving notes to “stay at home.” However, the joke turns 
out very satisfactory for all. This farce is decidedly humorous and offers 
great possibilities for clever amateur acting. 

★MAGIC TOY SHOP, The* 25 cents. A play for children in 3 

acts, by Edna Clark Davis. 1 adult, 19 boys, 19 girls. The cast may be 
lessened without detriment to the play. Time of playing depends on the 

recitations, songs or drills introduced. Three children wish to see their 

toys and the characters in Fairyland come to life. How Witch Blackstick 
grants their wish is told in the play. Suitable for school or church enter¬ 
tainment. 

★SANTA CLAUS' BUSY DAY. 25 cents. A Christmas play in 1 
act, by Z. Hartman, for 13 boys and 11 girls, more or less as desired. 
Time, about 30 minutes. Stage setting is very simple, being Santa's office 
in Kris Kringle Land, requiring no set scenery. The play deals with the 
unforeseen interruptions on Santa's busy day. Recommended for schools and 
churches. 

★SANTA CLAUS BEHIND THE TIMES. 25 cents. A Christ¬ 
mas play in 2 acts, by Z. Hartman. 4 boys, 12 girls. Time, about 45 
minutes. Santa is beset by 2 salesmen trying to sell him a magic airplane 
and an enchanted submarine. He refuses to buy, but promises to give them 
a chance if his reindeer should fail him. The unexpected happens and the 
reindeer run away. He keeps his promise but the airplane breaks down on 
the top of the Rocky Mountains. Meanwhile the reindeer fairies have found 
the runaways and go to Santa's rescue. So he finishes the Christmas trip 
in his sleigh and resolves never again to try the new fangled means of 
locomotion. Suitable for school or church entertainment. 

★AUNT JERUSHY ON THE VAR PATH. 25 cents, a 

rural farce in 3 acts, by Lieut. Bbale Cormack. 4 male, 5 female characters and 
a chorus (which may be omitted). No scenery required. Time, 2^ hours. This is 
one of the funniest plays ever written and has been produced professionally for two 
seasons. The plot concerns a group of country folks on the farm and at a village 
carnival. Characters, an old man, comical country boy, sideshow barker, old maid, 
old lady, soubrette lead, two carnival queens. The play is easy to get up and easy to 
act as the situations and lines are so funny they simply play themselves. 

★BREAKING WINNIE. 25 cents. A comedy in 3 acts, by Carl 

V/rbster Pierce. 5 male, 5 female characters. 2 interior scenes. Time, about 2 
hours. Margaret Bronson , a noted authoress, has answered an advertisement of 
“The Lonely Hearts Correspondence Club,” in order to procure new characters for 
her writings. She accidently breaks her wrist and therefore gets her sister Winnie 
to do the correspondence with the “Lonely Hearters” for her. _ Winnie writes such 
beautifully romantic letters that 3 of the “Lonely Hearters” decide to visit the writer, 
who already has a fiance. The comedy situations are created when the 3 correspond¬ 
ents arrive and Winnie gets 3 girls to impersonate her while she impersonates them. 
This causes a considerable mix-up which is not cleared until final curtain. 

★I’M CURED; or. Nearly a Film. Star. 25 cents. A comedy in 2 

acts and prologue, by C. N. Bourgholtzer. 8 female characters. 2 interior scenes. 
Time, about 1 hour. Jane , against her aunt’s wishes, decides to leave home to become 
a film star. While awaiting an interview with the moving picture Director she meets 
other applicants including a vamp, country girl, East Side girl, lady of leisure, etc. 
The situation becomes too confused for Jane when the Rajah arrives looking for his 
stolen wife and Jane goes back home thoroughly cured. Every character good. 

J )fMAY QUEEN, The ; or. The Fairies’ Levee. 25 cents. A mu 

sical play for any number of children, especially suitable for church and school enter¬ 
tainment. The number of attendants on the May Queen and Fairy Queen depends 
upon the number of scholars available. It is not absolutely necessary to use music as 
given, as any other songs may be substituted. Stage setting is very simple. This 
is a very effective musical piece and is sure to give satisfaction wherever produced. 


Fitzgerald Publishing Corporation, 18 Vesey St., N. Y 



Santa Claus Behind 

the Times 

A FANTASTIC COMEDY IN 
TWO ACTS 


BY 

Z. HARTMAN 

Author of “£anta Claus' Busy Day ” 


Copyright, 1924, by 
Fitzgerald Publishing Corporation 


4 ? 


Fitzgerald Publishing Corporation 
Successor to 
Dick & Fitzgerald 
18 Vesey Street New York 


VhlL/z.0 

,Cs if34- 

Santa Claus Behind the Times 


DRAMATIS PERSONAS 

Santa Claus 

Mrs. Santa Claus . His wife 

Gabriella . His elder daughter 

(very much of a young lady and very conscious of it) 

Greta . His younger daughter 

(a giddy young hoyden, always being squelched by 
her mother) 

Gringorex . His groom and master of the reindeer 

(a stout elderly elf, very active for his years) 

Mr. Condor. .Salesman for the Magic Airplane Mfg. Co. 
(small, dapper and unquenchably enthusiastic) 

Mr. Dolphin . Salesman for the Enchanted 

Submarine Co. 

Miss Tittle. . .Reporter for the North Pole Daily Breeze 

Eight Reindeer Sprites . Guardians of the Reindeer 

(impersonated by boys or girls) 

Time of Playing.—F orty minutes. 

SCENE 

One simple interior scene for both acts. 

©CI,D 6834B 









Santa Claus Behind the Times 


3 


SYNOPSIS 

Mrs. Santa rebukes the eight reindeer sprites, who are 
in the wildest spirits, and sends them out to tend the 
reindeer. Santa is beset by two salesmen, one trying to 
sell him a magic airplane and the other an enchanted 
submarine in which to make the Christmas trip. Mrs. 
Santa and her daughters are strong for the new-fangled 
means of locomotion, but Santa declares he prefers his 
faithful reindeer and doesn’t mind being an old fogey. 
However, he promises that if the reindeer should fail him 
he would consider the airplane or submarine. Shortly 
after the reindeer run away. He is reminded of his 
promise; so after rebuking the reindeed sprites for their 
neglect, he arranges to make the trip in the airplane. 
In the midst of the trip the airplane breaks down and he 
is stranded on top of the Rocky Mountains. Meanwhile 
the Sprites have been searching for the runaways; they 
find them and go to Santa’s rescue. So he finishes the 
trip in his sleigh and is more prejudiced than ever 
against the new-fangled means of locomotion, especially 
as the salesmen were largely responsible for the runaway. 


COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS 

Santa Claus wears the conventional cherry-colored, 
fur-trimmed Santa Claus suit with high boots. Fur 
coat, cap and huge fur gauntlets for his trip. 

Mrs. Santa Claus wears Russian jacket suit following 
the same lines and color as Santa Claus. 

Gabriella and Greta may wear full, short skirts piled 
up, tier on tier, like the petals of a double aster, with 
plain smooth bodices above. Effective colors are purple 
for Gabriella and primrose-yellow for Greta. Each 
should wear a pair of small tarlatan wings of the color of 
her costume, fastened to her shoulders behind; but 
neither should havp the antennas. 


4 Santa Claus Behind the Times 

Gringorex, a stout elderly elf, very active for Ms 
years; will be effective in an old-fashioned English ar¬ 
tisan’s suit of brown or gray with short jacket and vest, 
knee breeches and a pointed elf cap. Fur coat for his 
trip with Santa. 

Miss Tittle, a very businesslike appearing elf lady, 
dressed all in fur with a peaked fur stocking cap and 
^ smart eye-glasses. Carries a note-book and pencil. 

Reindeer Sprites, guardians of the reindeer, each be¬ 
ing a kind of moral disciplinarian of one particular rein¬ 
deer. The Sprites must be small, slender and alert, and 
above all, must be very skillful dancers. Best results 
will be obtained by having the roles impersonated by 
young girls, unless adolescent boys who can move about 
with elf-like grace are available. The Sprites should 
wear blue and silver elf suits and silver elf shoes with 
long pointed toes; silver gauze wings on their shoulders 
and two long, graceful antemue on each of their heads, 
pointing slightly forward. 

All the other characters should have a touch of the elf ' 
about their costumes, finished off with the pointed elf- 
shoes and the narrow brimmed hats with pointed crowns. 

INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES 

Note-book for Mr. Condor. 

Note-book and pencil for Miss Tittle. 

Yellow envelope for Gabriella. 

Tinfoil-wrapped package containing a wad of chewing 
gum the size of a crab-apple and a cigarette for Santa. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS 

As seen by a performer on the stage facing the audi¬ 
ence, R. means right hand; l., left hand; c., center of 
stage; c. d., door in center of rear wall; d. r., door at 
right; d. l., door at left of stage, up means toward back 
of stage; down, toward footlights. 


Santa Claus Behind the 
Times 


ACT I 

SCENE. — Reception-room in Santa Claus’ home. 
Time, afternoon.of December 24, just as Santa is 
preparing for his Christmas Eve trip. The most 
conspicuous furnishings are a few quaint, Colonial 
chairs, and a huge, old-fashioned fireplace and 
mantelpiece in upper r. corner. ’Phone on ’phone- 
table wherever convenient. Door in rear c. lead¬ 
ing into hall and outdoors; door at l. leading into 
Santa’s office; door at r. opening into a living - 
room. All doors are closed. Window at l. of c. d. 
DISCOVERED eight reindeer Sprites dancing to 
the music of Schubert’s “Musical Moments” played 
very softly, very lightly and very swiftly behind 
the scenes. They caper about noiselessly, each fol¬ 
lowing out his own caprice in the dance; one glides 
about smoothly, doing an intricate dance step; an¬ 
other whirls wildly round and round to the music; 
two others execute a few steps together, now and 
then whirling each other around by the waist. Lob, 
the leader,'does a lively jig, leaping high from time 
to time, snapping his fingers and kicking to R. and 
l. They never make a clumsy movement, all their 
dancing is graceful. From time to time, as they 
dance, they chant in singsong one after another, 
“We’re going to-night! We’re going to-night! 
We’re going with Santa Claus to-night! ” 

5 



6 


Santa Claus Behind the Times 


ENTER Mrs. Santa Claus, d. r., closely followed by 
Gabriella and Greta. She discovers the joyously 
dancing Sprites, folds her hands across her ample 
wai$t-line, and gazes severely at them. Under her 
grim look the dancing abruptly ceases. 

Mrs. Santa. Reindeer sprites, what does this mean? 
Why are you prancing about in this disgraceful fashion ? 

Lob, the Leader (abashed). Wh-why, Grandmother 
Santa, w-we were only celebrating a little because we’re 
going with Grandpa Santa to-night! 

Mrs. Santa ( still more sternly). Celebrating! One 
would think you had never made the Christmas Eve 
trip before! Do you know what you should be doing? 
Every sprite should be out in front looking after his 
own reindeer, while Gringorex loads the sleigh. The 
reindeer have been tugging at their bits all afternoon. 
I’ve never seen them so restless before. Doesn’t Santa 
depend on you to keep them quiet? ( The Sprites hang 
their heads) 

Lob (very meekly). Yes, ma’am. We’ll go out and 
see to ’em right away. (The Sprites sneak out, looking 
behind them apprehensively, yet giving irrepressible lit¬ 
tle skips as they EXIT c. d.) 

Greta (peering out of window). My goodness, what 
a lot of romping around those reindeer are doing! I tell 
you what, mother, some day those silly beasts are going 
to break loose and tear things to pieces! B 

Gabriella. Well, what else can you expect but a 
runaway? Father insists on keeping the stupid crea¬ 
tures. It would serve him right for refusing to get an 
automobile! 

Mrs. Santa (sitting in a chair and folding her hands 
in her lap with resignation). I have talked to your fa¬ 
ther until I am hoarse, trying to convince him that he 
owes it to himself and to us to make the Christmas Eve 
trip in a really decent, up-to-date turnout. I might as 
well have saved my breath, for he insists that he will 
never give up the reindeer. Such a mulish man! 


Santa Claus Behind the Times 


7 


Gabriella ( with ladylike disgust). It’s a disgrace! 
All my friends are so surprised that a great and im¬ 
portant person like father should travel about in that 
shabby, old-fashioned sleigh and drive those absurd rein¬ 
deer! It makes me so ashamed every time they speak 
about it! 

Greta ( tossing her head). And those impish rein¬ 
deer sprites, with their crazy pranks—to think that we 
have to stand for them! They are the worst fairies in 
Kris Kringle country. 

Gabriella. They’re another humiliation! Father 
should get rid of them. 

Greta. Is that airplane agent still in the office with 
dad, mother ? # 

Mrs. Santa. Yes; I saw him arguing away as I 
passed the window. 

Greta (giggling irrepressibly and executing a pirou¬ 
ette). It won’t do him the least bit of good! It’ll only 
make dad perfectly furious to be caught this way right 
in the middle of getting ready for the Christmas Eve 
trip, and he won’t buy a thing. Just the same, mother, 
I’m glad you set that agent on him! 

Mrs. Santa ( drawing herself up majestically). I set 
the agent on him! Greta, what an expression! I merely 
told Mr. Condor that it would do no harm for him to 
call and explain his airplanes to your father. I don’t 
know why the leading salesman of the Magic Airplane 
Manufacturing Company shouldn’t be at home in this 
house. He’s perfectly respectable and his manners are 
most agreeable! 

Greta (opening d. l. a trifle and peeping into the 
office). My goodness me! There are two of ’em in 
there. Poor old dad! Where did the other one come 
from, mother? 

Mrs. Santa {peeping over Greta’s shoulder). Oh, 
that’s Mr. Dolphin, head salesman for the Enchanted 
Submarine Company, Inc. He must have caught your 
father when Mr. Condor was out in front demonstrating 


8 Santa Claus Behind the Times 

the airplane. He’s very much in hopes he can sell your 
father an enchanted submarine. 

Gabriella ( critically ). I should prefer the airplane 
for father. It is smarter and more professional—more 
up-to-date. There’s not so much style to a submarine. 

Greta (with her eye to the aperture of the door). 
Well, it won’t cost you anything to keep on preferring, 
Gaby dear. But that’s all you’ll get out of it, for 
neither one of those salesmen is going to sell dad a single 
thing! Wheel he looks as if he could eat ’em alive! 
And he’s trying his best to get away from them. 

,Gabriella (peering over Greta’s head through the 
opening). Look out! He’s coming this way! ( Retires 
hastily down R. Greta skips' away from door just in 
time) 

ENTER Santa Claus d. l., looking as black as a thun¬ 
der cloud, followed by Mr. Condor, and Mr. Dol¬ 
phin. 

Santa ( irritated and harassed). No, no, no! I will 
not even consider it to-day, nor any other time! The 
idea of your tackling me just when I’m rushed to death 
with preparations for my Christmas Eve trip! By thun¬ 
der, you ’ll make me late, you fellows! 

Condor (enthusiastically renewing the attack, un¬ 
abashed). But my dear Mr. Claus, don’t you see that 
if you will use one of our excellent airships, you will 
not be late? You will never again be late on any Christ¬ 
mas trip. You couldn’t be late if you tried! Our ball¬ 
bearing, copper-riveted, 500,000 horse-power super-air- 
ship is positively guaranteed to go three times as fast 
as the North Wind- 

Santa (exasperated). Oh, for the love of Mike, don’t 
begin that all over again! 

Dolphin (edging Condor out of the way and taking 
possession of Santa). You haven’t heard my proposi¬ 
tion at all, Mr. Claus. There isn’t an airplane made 
that can beat the boats of the Enchanted Submarine 
Company, Inc. Yes, sir, we stand behind our product! 


Santa Claus Behind the Times 


9 


If you have to cross oceans, the best way is to make 
the journey under the water- 

Santa (clutching his head with both hands in de¬ 
spair). This one is as bad as the other! 

Dolphin ( warming to his task). Why, my dear sir, 
ours is decidedly the scenic route! Think of all the 
wonderful under-sea forests along the way; and the 
coral reefs; and the mermaids, luring you with their 
vamp songs; and the octopuses and the whales and— 
and all the rest of the fine scenery! Besides, you would 
find the water route mueh cooler when passing through 
the hot continents. An elf of your constitution would 
find air travel over the tropics very trying! 

Condor {acidly). The ignorance of some fellows is 
enough to make the angels weep! Our planes are geared 
to sail a thousand miles above the hot belt. No incon¬ 
venience whatever to Arctic travelers! 

Dolphin {jeeringly) . None at all, unless the North 
Wind lets loose his hurricane imps and they start the 
airplane to turning somersaults! 

Condor {with heat). We claim that our planes can’t 
be touched by the hurricane imps! 

Dolphin. Yes, you fellows claim the sun, moon, and 
stars for everything you make! 

Condor. And you fellows haven’t, anything to claim 
for your leaky old tubs! 

Dolphin. What do you mean, sir ? 

Condor. What do you mean, sir? {They glare at 
each other as fiercely as tivo turkey cocks) 

Santa {wearily). Aw, give us a rest! 

Mrs. Santa ( sweetly , hoping to avert a fight). I’m 
sure both modes of travel have their advantages, gentle- 
men. 

Greta {bursting out enthusiastically). I think the 
submarine would be just too cunning! When dad is 
away, you and I could take little jaunts in it, Gaby. 
We could run up to the Pole and visit the Iceberg Mer¬ 
maids, couldn’t we? 

Gabriella {decisively) . The airplane would be much 



10 Santa Claus Behind the Times 

better for father. It has ten times the style of the 
submarine. Besides, father gets seasick when he goes 
boating. The submarine would never do for him! 

Greta {pouting). Well, he might get the submarine 
for me, then! He ought to, seeing that it was his pesky 
old reindeer that ate all the moss off my new winter 
hat- 

Mrs. Santa. Greta, hold your tongue! (Greta sub¬ 
sides) 

Santa {to the two salesmen, who are looking haughty 
and trying to ignore each other). Well, boys, all this 
eloquence is wasted on me. I’m just a plain, old-fash¬ 
ioned codger that doesn’t care a hang if he lags behind 
the times. I’m used to my reindeer and they’re used 
to me. They’d never forgive me if I scrapped ’em and 
I’m sure I should be mortally lonesome without ’em. 
Besides, what would my earth children think of me if 
I brought ’em their presents in anything except my 
good old sleigh? 

Dolphin. Why, bless you, Mr. Claus, they’d be proud 
to think that Santa Claus visited them in the most 
modern style! 

Santa. Rats! Children don’t bother their heads 
about such fool notions! Why, they’d be heart-broken 
never again to hear the tinkle of Santa’s sleigh-bells or 
have the fun of looking for the print of reindeer’s hoofs 
in the snow! How would they know that Santa had 
visited them if they didn’t find the traces of those little 
hoofs ? 

Condor {triumphantly). My dear sir, my company 
have foreseen this difficulty. We have had a plane espe¬ 
cially made for you, which leaves the imprint of your 
name in large letters on the snow wherever you make 
a landing! 

Santa {disgusted). Look here, d’ye think I need 
self-advertisement? You’ll have my earth children mis¬ 
taking my name for a new brand of laundry soap! No, 
sir, I like my reindeer best. They’ve always done the 
right thing by me, and the reindeer sprites keep them in 



Santa Claus Behind the Times 


11 


good order. Can yon say as much for your airplanes, 
young man? Come now, answer up! Do they never, 
never break down ? 

Condor {without batting a lash). No, Santa Claus, I 
can assure you they never break down. Their mechan¬ 
ism is perfect. 

Dolphin. Yes, and I can say the same for my ma¬ 
chines, Mr. Claus. 

Santa {skeptically). Maybe, maybe. But I’ve never 
tried ’em out, while, on the other hand, I’ve tested my 
reindeer again and again; and I find I can absolutely 
trust ’em in any emergency- 

Greta {with a sniff). Huh! Don’t be too sure, dad! 
They’ve certainly been pawing the air this afternoon. 
’Member the time they dumped you into a snowdrift 
and stood you on your head? (Santa Claus scowls at 
her) 

Mrs. Santa {ominously). Greta, that will do! 
(Greta tosses her head and retires to window to look 
out, pouting) 

Condor. But suppose your reindeer should some day 
leave you in the lurch, Mr. Claus. What then? 

Dolphin {edging closer). Yes. Would you send for 
us and let us help you out ? 

Santa {hesitating, then taking the plunge). Well, 
yes, I would. I’d send for you and give your speed- 
wagons a trial. But of course that wouldn’t happen in 
a hundred years! 

Condor {pocketing his note-book). Well, Mr. Claus, 
you never can tell. Stranger things than that have 
happened! I shall remember your promise. 

Dolphin {shaking hands). So shall I. Well, sir, 
I’m off. Good luck to you and a pleasant trip with 
your reindeer. 

Condor {jocularly). When one of ’em casts a shoe 
and you have to park the sleigh at the nearest black¬ 
smith ’s, think of me and my up-to-date planes! 

Santa {shaking hands and steering them toward 
c. d.). You bet I will. Well, boys, so long. Drop in 



12 Santa Claus Behind the Times 

again some day when I’m not up to my ears in work. 
Snappy Christmas weather we’re having, eh? ( While 
still talking, he herds them out at c. d. and EXITS with 
them. While he is gone, Mrs. Santa and Gabriella 
exchange despairing glances) 

Greta (giggles and romps through a few dance steps). 
Didn’t I tell you they wouldn’t get anywhere with dad? 
He’s hard-boiled! 

Garbiella {vexed). I believe he takes a positive de¬ 
light in being behind the times! I suppose we shall 
never get rid of those reindeer pests! 

Mrs. Santa {sighing like a martyr). Your father 
grows more and more set in his ways. It’s very hard 
on me! 

RE-ENTER Santa at c. d., followed by Miss Tittle. 

Santa {irritated and preoccupied, muttering to him¬ 
self, goes down c.). Confound those chaps! Always 
wasting a fellow’s time! I wonder if Gringorex has 
finished packing the sleigh- Thunderation! {Ob¬ 

serves for the first time that Miss Tittle has followed 
him in and is now at his very elbow, smirking at him 
sociably) What next? 

Miss Tittle {bowing to the other ladies in turn and 
then to Santa). My dear Mr. Claus, how do you do? 
I am Miss Tittle^ from the staff of the North Pole Daily 
Breeze. My editor sent me to find out all about this air¬ 
plane you’re buying- 

Santa {barking out in his exasperation). Who said 
I’m buying an airplane? 

Miss Tittle {nothing daunted, shaking her forefinger 
at him archly). Tut, tut! A little bird told me! 
Haven’t we seen the salesman of the Magic Airplane 
Company camping on your trail for the last week? Of 
course it’s a big piece of news for the Daily Breeze when 
the First Citizen of Kris Kringle Land abandons his 
time-honored sleigh and makes his Christmas trip in an 
airplane! 

Santa {grimly, yet trying to be polite). You bet if 



Santa Claus Behind the Times 13 

will be a big piece of news—when it happens! But it 
hasn t happened, and it will be a hot summer day at the 
North Pole when Santa Claus trusts himself to one of 
those flibbertigibbet flying machines! Just tell your 
editor that, Miss Tittle! 

Miss Tittle {disappointed). Then it isn’t true? Oh, 
dear, I’m so sorry! We were going to run a handsome 
picture of you just stepping into your airplane in the 
rotagravure supplement to our Christmas issue! Our 
readers would have been crazy about it, and the papers 
would have sold like hot cakes! Well, I must go back 
and break the news to my editor. Good-day, Mr. Claus. 
Good-day, ladies. {Turns to go, but approaching c. d., 
jumps aside just in time to avoid a collision with 
Gringorex) 

ENTER Gringorex c. d., rushing in, breathless with ex¬ 
citement, his eyes bulging. 

Gringorex. Granddad Santa, Granddad Santa, what 

shall I do? The reindeer- Oh, gee cricky, what 

^hall I do? 

Santa {seizing him by the arm). Stand still, Grin¬ 
gorex. Don’t jump around so! What about the rein¬ 
deer? 

Gringorex {desperately). Run away! Gone! 

Santa {dumbfounded). Run away! (Mrs. Santa, 
Gabriella, Greta, and Miss Tittle all draw nearer and 
listen eagerly. Miss Tittle whips out a note-book and 
begins to take notes. Mrs. Santa and the girls exchange 
significant glances) 

Gringorex. It wasn’t my fault, Granddad Santa. I 
don’t know what got into them pesky critters. They’ve 
been fidgettin’ and standin’ on their hind legs all after¬ 
noon. I told them cussed reindeer sprites to look after 
’em; but what can you expect of a gang of imps like 
that? I only went into the factory for another load of 
toys for the sleigh, and when I came out the team was 
tearin’ across the snow liekety-cut, with the sleigh 
bouncin’ along behind. I ran after ’em but of course 


14 Santa Claus Behind the Times 

I couldn't ketch ’em. They was out o’ sight in no 
time! 

Santa (with ominous calm). And my entire load 
was in the sleigh, I suppose? 

Gringorex (fussily). Oh dear, no! I had just un¬ 
loaded the sleigh because it wasn’t balanced right and I 
wanted some heavier toys to put on the bottom. So all 
the toys were saved, Granddad. 

Santa (relieved). Well, that’s something to be thank¬ 
ful for! Where are those reindeer sprites of mine? 
Call ’em in! 

Gringorex. I seen ’em sneakin’ around out there, 
lookin’ for knot-holes to erawhinto, I reckon. (Goes to 
c. d., opens it, and yells) Hey, you sprites, Granddad 
Santa wants you! 

Miss Tittle (smacking tier lips appreciatively). This 
is a better story than the one I came to get! (Pause) 

ENTER reindeer Sprites c. d. They creep reluctantly 
in and go down c. to Santa. They Jiang their 
heads, ashamed and terrified; all their former 
high spirits are gone. 

Santa (sternly, to the leader). Lob, you sprites have 
been asleep on the job, or this never would have hap¬ 
pened! 

Lob (almost in tears). Honest to goodness, Grandpa 
Santa, we left ’em only a few minutes, to look for the 
great white owl Gringorex says he saw last night. We 
ran all the way back and got here just in time to see 
the reindeer disappear over the west hills! (Sprites 
make faces at Gringorex behind Santa’s back) 

Gringorex. Humph! 

Santa (grimly). Well, no matter whose fault it was, 
they’re gone. And here I am marooned, with no way 
of making my Christmas trip! Think of it—thousands 
of children waiting for me and wondering why I don’t 
come! A pretty kettle of fish! 

Gabriella (advancing on Santa boldly from one 


Santa Claus Behind the Times 15 

side). Father, there’s just one thing to do in this 
emergency. 

Mrs. Santa ( tackling him from the other side). Yes, 
Santa, and that is to call that nice young Mr. Condor 
back and take one of his planes! 

Greta ( dancing up and down). And a submarine 
from that ducky Mr. Dolphin! Do get a submarine for 
me, dad, even if you don’t want one for yourself. Don’t 
be selfish! 

Mrs. Santa (sharply). Be quiet, Greta! You’re 
making us all nervous. (Greta holds her mouth with 
her hand, grinning at the others over her hand. To 
Santa) You remember what you promised those two 
men: that if your reindeer ever left you in the lurch, 
you’d call on them. Well, here you are! 

Santa (dazed and sorrowful). It’s true. My rein¬ 
deer have gone back on me. I never thought they’d 
serve me such a trick! (Shakes his head and sighs heav¬ 
ily) Well, I believe you’re right, mother. There’s only 
one thing to be done. Gringorex, run after that Condor 
chap and call him back. 

[EXIT Gringorex c. d., running. Gabriella, Greta 
and Mrs. Santa smile triumphantly and whisper 
among themselves. Miss Tittle, an attentive 
listener, beams. The reindeer Sprites huddle 
wretchedly together up l., near d. l. ; they Igok at 
Santa despairingly and at one another. 

Lob (in a low tone, to the other Sprites). Our job 
is gone. This is the end of us! 

Miss Tittle (stepping forward and haranguing 
Santa dramatically, waving her pencil perilously close 
to his nose). My dear sir, this is the greatest moment 
of your life. How the little children of the world will 
bless you! How thankfully they will listen for the 
throbbing of your airplane engine, parked just over the 
chimney! 

Santa (bitterly). A fine substitute for the music of 
my sleigh-bells and the thud of reindeer’s hoofs on the 
snow! 


16 Santa Claus Behind the Times 

Miss Tittle ( paying no attention to this, with grow¬ 
ing enthusiasm). They will no longer reproach you with 
being behind the times! You are now marching in the 
van of PROGRESS! Let me congratulate you! 
(Pumps his hand up and dozen) Just for this you will 
make the front page of the Christmas number of the 
North Pole Daily Breeze! I must hurry back to the 
office and get our photographer over here to take your 
picture. [Nodding r. and l., EXITS hastily c. d. 

Santa (glancing after her and shrugging his shoul- 
ders). Progress! Humph! 

[With bowed head he EXITS slowly d. l. The reindeer 
Sprites look at him imploringly as he passes them, 
but he pays no attention to them and shuts the door 
behind him. 

Greta (whirling round and round the stage in wild¬ 
est joy). Whoops! Hurray! Those old reindeer are 
side-tracked at last! 

Mrs. Santa (decorously pleased). It is really for¬ 
tunate that they ran away.—Greta, not so boisterous, 
please! 

Gabriella. Now I can hold up my head among my 
friends! 

Greta. Listen! Isn’t that the hum of an dngine? 
(Rushes to window) It’s Mr. Condor in his airplane 
with Gringorex. 

Gringorex (pokes his head and half his body in at 
c. d.). Here’s the airship ready to be loaded, Grand¬ 
dad - Where Is he ? 

Mrs. Santa (opening d. l. and calling). Santa, 
Gringorex and Mr. Condor have come in your new air¬ 
plane. 

Santa (impatiently, from within). All right, all 
right! (ENTERS hurriedly at d. l., wearing his fur 
coat) Come, Gringorex, let’s load in the toys. 

[EXITS c. d., bustling out. 

Greta (following Santa, dragging Gabriella with 
her). Come, Gaby, let’s go too! Oh, there comes Dol¬ 
phin. Let’s make dad buy his submarine. 


Santa Claus Behind the Times 


17 


[EXIT both girls c. d., followed by Mrs. Santa, who 
can be heard off-stage reproving Greta. The 
Sprites are left alone. For a few minutes they 
peep out of window and listen to the sound of 
voices and throbbing of the engine outside . Then 
they advance dejectedly to c. 

Lob. Fellow sprites, there’s only one thing left for 
ns to do. We must find our reindeer and bring ’em 
back! 

Chorus of Sprites. But, Lob, how can we? They’re 
a million miles away by now! How shall we know 
where to look? 

Lob {sternly). Don’t ask how and where! We’ve 
got to find ’em, that’s all! We’ve got to get Grandpa 
Santa to give us another chance. If we don’t find ’em, 

he’ll send us away- {Groans and lamentations 

from the other Sprites. Lob continuing mercilessly) 
And he’ll never, never let us come back or forgive us! 
You all know that. Now we must start out this very 
night and simply scour the Arctic Circle for the run¬ 
aways. Here’s my plan: Two of us will go north, two 
south, two east, and two west. The Four Winds will 
give us free rides on their wings if we ask them po¬ 
litely. What do you say, fellow sprites? 

Chorus of Sprites. All right. Let’s go! 

First Sprite {darkly). If we catch ’em, just you 
keep your eyes open and you’ll see what Dasher’s going 
to get! 

Second Sprite. That’s right! I’ll fix Comet- 

Third Sprite. And Cupid will catch it from me! 

Lob. Tut, tut! We’ve no time to waste blaming the 
reindeer. Besides, it was mostly our own fault. Come, 
we must sneak out back way, or that gang out in front 
might stop us. Are we ready, sprites? 

Chorus of Sprites. You bet. Lead on, Lob! {They 
whirl rotund and round the stage in couples, then EXIT 
d. r. at full speed) 


QUICK CURTAIN 




18 


Santa Claus Behind the Times 


ACT II 

SCENE.— Same as in Act I. Late Christmas morning. 
DISCOVERED Mrs. Santa seated at ’phone-table, 
telephoning. She looks worried, and glances rest¬ 
lessly around room from time to time. 

Mrs. Santa ( speaking into receiver). Why, no, Miss 
Tittle, I’m afraid I can’t tell the Daily Breeze any more 
than it already knows. There was only that one brief 
wireless message from Santa about midnight, saying 
that the airplane had broken down while he was cross¬ 
ing the Rocky Mountains. Not a word about what he 
was going to do. {Pause) No, really, Miss Tittle, I’d 
rather not repeat it. {Primly) I regret to say that the 
language he used was not quite—er—dignified and lady¬ 
like.What say?.Oh, the submarine. Yes, he 

promised Mr. Dolphin a tryout. They were to meet on 
the Pacific coast of South America and Mr. Dolphin was 
to take him across the ocean. But I suppose Santa 
couldn’t keep the appointment. I’m really very anxious 
about him. He’s never been so late from his Christmas 

trip before.Yes, Miss Tittle, I’ll let you know 

if there’s any more news of him. {Hangs up receiver) 
Heavens, what a nuisance that woman is! 

ENTER Gabriella d. r., uneasy and subdued, carrying 
a yellow envelope: 

Gabriella. The messenger elf of the Elfland Wire¬ 
less Corporation was just here, mother, and left this. 

Mrs. Santa {tearing open the envelope and reading). 
It’s from your father. He says, “Home soon. Am on 
my way.” But not one word about the breakdown! 

Gabriella {hopefully). Maybe the mechanician they 
sent with him was able to fix it. 





Santa Claus Behind the Times 19 

Mrs. Santa. Undoubtedly, my dear, or your father 
couldn’t get home! But what bothers me is that this 
will prejudice him all the more against the airplane. 
Oh, I know him! 

Gabriella. Well, he’ll just have to make the best of 
it. The reindeer are gone; and I don’t see him break¬ 
ing in any more at his age! 

ENTER Greta c. d., running in, bubbling over as usual. 

Mr. Dolphin following close behind her. 

Greta. Oh, mother, here’s Mr. Dolphin. He thinks 
it queer he didn’t meet father. 

Dolphin ( much perturbed). Good-morning, Mrs. 
Santa. I’ve just this minute got in from South Amer¬ 
ica. I waited and waited for your husband and I can’t 
understand- 

Mrs. Santa. Santa has had an accident, Mr. Dolphin. 
The airplane broke down. Doubtless that is why he 
failed to meet you. 

Dolphin ( whistling with surprise). After all that 
fellow Condor’s boasting! 

Gabriella ( suddenly stepping forward in a listening 
attitude, holding up her forefinger). Hush! That’s 
strange! I thought I heard sleigh-bells! Did you hear 
them, mother? 

Mrs. Santa {startled). No—-yes! They sound 

like- Well, if I didn’t know that the reindeer were 

gone, I should say they sound like Santa ’s-- 

Greta {flies to window and throws it open. Sound 
of sleigh-bells comes nearer and nearer. With a 
scream). It’s dad! He’s coming in the sleigh—rein¬ 
deer, bells, and all! Jee-rusalem cousins! 

Gabriella {rushing to window and looking over 
Greta’s shoulder). No, impossible! 

Mrs. Santa } ( speaking { For pity’s sake —! 

Dolphin \ together') | Well, I’ll be doggone! 
{Sound of sleigh-bells, now very close, fills the air. It 
groivs spasmodic, then stops altogether) 






20 Santa Claus Behind the Times 

ENTER Santa c. d., grinning contentedly from ear to 
ear. Gringorex, also grinning broadly, ENTERS 
close behind him. Santa, still bundled up in his 
great fur coat , removes his huge fur gauntlets as he 
speaks. 

Santa {genially). Greetings, ladies! What, Dolphin, 
you here ? I’m a little late, I know, but- 

Mrs. Santa ( fearfidly). Santa, where is your air¬ 
plane ? 

Santa ( jauntily, as Gringorex helps him off with his 
coat). Stuck on top of the Rocky Mountains, for all I 
know. And it may stay there, for all I care! It isn’t 
my airplane any longer. I told Condor flatly that if it 
broke down on this trip, I wouldn’t have it. Luckily my 
good reindeer came along just in the nick of time, and 
as the sleigh wasn’t knocked up much, I finished the 
trip with them. (General consternation. None but 
Santa and Gringorex look pleased) 

Gabriella. How on earth did you ever find them? 

Santa (proudly). Oh, the reindeer sprites found 
them and came in search of me. One of the scouts in 
the Weather Prophet’s office at the North Pole Weather 
Bureau saw me go by and put them on my trail. I tell 
you, those little imps are all right! (Sticking his head 
out at c. d. and calling) Hi, you chaps, come in. (EN¬ 
TER at c. d. the reindeer Sprites, a little shyly) You 
did good work last night, sprites. I shall never forget 
how you and the reindeer came to my rescue when these 
precious modern inventions failed! You made my 
Christmas trip a success! (Sprites grin delightedly 
and exchange glances) 

Dolphin. But, Mr. Santa, is this fair to us to con¬ 
demn our high-grade machines at the first small break¬ 
down? Didn’t your reindeer also fail you on just as 
little provocation? 

Santa (whirling around on him with a stern look). 
Little provocation? D’ye know what my sprites dis¬ 
covered, Mr. Dolphin, when they caught the reindeer? 



Santa Claus Behind the Times 21 

They found all the trouble was caused by Vixen, the left 
leader. He was still raising Cain and shaking his head 
as if his mouth hurt him. So Lob pried open his jaws 
and found them stuck tightly together by—this! ( Takes 

a tinfoil-wrapped package from his pocket and, un¬ 
wrapping it, displays a wad of chewing-gum as big as a 
crab-apple) Chewing-gum! And look what was in the 
wad! A cigarette, which poor Vixen had bitten in two! 
Now, no one around here smokes cigarettes. My old 
pipe is good enough for me, and Gringorex won’t have 
anything but his corncob. Mr. Dolphin, what brand of 
cigarettes da you smoke? 

Dolphin (stiffly). I do not smoke, Mr. Claus. 

Santa ( his eyes twinkling). Then the culprit must 
be Greta. Greta, hoW dare you smoke behind your old 
father’s back? 

Greta (cuddling up against his, arm,, with many gig¬ 
gles). Oh, dad, what a perfectly thrilling detective ser¬ 
geant you’d make! But instead of accusing your inno¬ 
cent little daughter, why don’t you ask what brand of 
cigarettes Mr. Condor smokes? I saw his box last even¬ 
ing. It’s Aurora Borealis! 

Santa (solemnly quoting). lt Smoke Aurora Borealis 
fags. They satisfy!” Let’s see, didn’t Condor have a 
cigarette in his fingers when he was here yesterday? 

Greta. And that’s what became of my gum! I 
stuck it there on the mantel and last night when I went 
to get it, it was gone. (Runs over to fireplace and ex¬ 
amines a spot on the corner of the mantel) 

Dolphin (ivho has been wriggling uncomfortably, 
now draws himself up in offended\ dignity). Sir, in 
view of the carelessness and neglect of the reindeer 
sprites, who are undoubtedly to blame for the runaway, 
I must say that your insinuations are absurd. I’m a 
very busy man, so I must wish you a very good-day! 
[EXITS rapidly c. d. The reindeer Sprites burst out 
laughing. Mrs. Santa and Gabriella give them 
black looks , but for once they are not squelched. 


22 


Santa Claus Behind the Times 


Gringorex joins them in loud guffaws. Santa 
grins. 

Santa ( mildly, looking after Dolphin). Those fel¬ 
lows simply had to sell me something by hook or by 
crook. I think it was mostly by crook! Oh, well, just 
let ’em try it again! I’m cured. Nothing will ever 
persuade me to part with my good old reindeer. Come 
on, Gringorex, let’s go out and give ’em the feed of their 
lives! 

[EXIT Santa and Gringorex c. d. Greta dances 
after them. 

Mrs. Santa {resignedly). There’s simply no cure for 
being born behind the times! Come, Gabriella, let us 
see to dinner. 

[EXITS d. r. with Gabriella. The reindeer Sprites, 
left alone, tiptoe to c., laughing silently and nudg¬ 
ing one another. 

Lob {confidentially, drawing the others around him). 
Fellow sprites, I’ve something to tell you. Those two 
boob salesmen haven’t anything on your Uncle Lob in 
the way of tricks! You know we eight started out yes¬ 
terday afternoon to find the reindeer! Well, I came 
back. 

First Sprite. Suffering snakes, Lob! What for ? 

Lob. To see if the reindeer might not have got tired 
running and found their way home. Well, I came upon 
that outlandish airship standing out in front almost 
ready to start. I was prowling around it, looking it 
over, when I spied a little head sticking out of the 
engine, with eyes like a beetle or grasshopper or some¬ 
thing, taking in the scenery. “Hullo!” I says. “Who 
are you!” “Pm the elf of the airplane engine,” pipes 
this head, puffing out its cheeks. “I’m more important 
than the engine itself, for I steer the ship! Get out of 
my way. I must have a clear view of the sky!” Well, 
it made me hopping mad to see him give himself such 
airs. So I says, “All right, if you’re so important as 
all that, I’ll give you a view of the sky and all the 
stars in it! Come out and let me have a look at you.” 


Santa Claus Behind the Times 


23 


But he wouldn't come out, so I yanked him out; and 
wheel but I spoiled his face for him! (Sprites laugh 
uproariously) Before I got through, I had blacked both 
his eyes for him! He could hardly crawl back into the 
engine! (Sprites double up wiili laughter) 

First Sprite ( stopping, and staring at Lob with 
dawning understanding) . Oh, Lob, do you suppose you 
knocked him out so badly that he couldn't steer, and so 
the thing broke down-? 

Lob (winking at him). Sh! That is one of the great 
unsolved mysteries in the annals of airplane travel!. 
Ask the Great White Owl! (TiCe Sprites crowd around 
Lob, laughing, and patting him on the back. Suddenly 
they begin to dance, swiftly, lightly, silently, as at the 
beginning of Act I, while the music of “Moments 
Musical" is played softly behind the scenes at the same 
rapid tempo. Every movement, free, airy, and ex¬ 
quisitely graceful, betrays their joy and exultation. 
While they are still dancing, the CURTAIN slowly 
falls) 


PLAYS FOR CHILDREN 


A CHRISTMAS MEDLEY 

New and original entertainment by Willis N. Bugbee, arranged for 
fifteen boys and fourteen girls. Eleven nationalities are each repre¬ 
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throughout are arranged to suit a well-known melody. It is a 
pretty entertainment, full of unflagging interest, and can be used 
as a medium for the distribution of Christmas gifts for church or 
school. Plays about half an hour. 

PRICE 25 CENTS 


THE FAIRIES 5 TRIBUNAL 

Musical play for children, by S. B. Alexander. Nine principal 
characters, with chorus of any number that may be convenient. A 
bright little operetta with pretty motion-songs, dances and marches, 
a drill and^ some good tableaux. The trial of Robbie Burton at’ the 
court of the Fairies for reading dime novels is diverting and carries 
a moral without any goody-goodiness. 

PRICE 25 CENTS 


A FESTIVAL OF FLOWERS 

Musical entertainment for children—thirteen boys and thirteen 
girls. The cast may be curtailed, if desirec., by omitting some of the 
flowers. Each character respresenting a flower, has certain lines 
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PRICE 15 CENTS 


THE GYPSIES’ FESTIVAL 

Musical entertainment for young people. Introduces the Gypsy 
Queen, Fortune Teller, Yankee Peddler, and a chorus of gypsies of 
any desired number. The scene is supposed to be a Gypsy camp. 
The costumes are very pretty, but simple; the dialogue bright; the 
music easy and tuneful ; and the drill movements and calisthenics are 
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PRICE 25 CENTS 


KING WINTER’S CARNIVAL 

Musical play for children, by S. B. Alexander. Especially suitable 
for church and school entertainments. It may be presented very 
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PRICE 25 CENTS 


WHILE MORTALS SLEEP 

An original fairy operetta in two acts and one scene, by Rosamond 
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It includes a drill waltz with graceful figures and poses arranged 
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vited guests. « ’ 


PRICE 25 CENTS 













NEW PLAYS 

llrTHAT PARLOR MAID. 25 cents. A comedy In 3 acts, by Helen 

C. Clifford. 5 male, 6 temale characters, i interior scene. Time, about i hours 
Anna, who thinks a parlor maid s duty is in the parlor amusing the guests, wins the 
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★HAPPINESS AT LAST • 25 cents. Comedy in 3 acts, by J. L. Shutk 
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★FOUR ADVENTURERS,The. 2 S cents. A comedy in x act, by 

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INITIATION STUNTS 

By Lieut. Beale Cormack 

A collection of side degree stunts, initiations, yells, cheeis, toasts, etc. Also 
complete side degree works which can be used as guides in forming other 
fraternal societies. 

CONTENTS 


Part I 

Fraternity Advantages 
Names for Social Clubs and 
Fraternities 
Slogans and Mottoes 
Greek Letter Societies 
Reason for Rough-House Initiation 
Yells 
Songs 

Pledge Stunts 
Fraternity Toasts 


Part II 

Greek Letter Fraternities 
Side Degree “Eta Phi Mu” 
Oath 

College Yells and Cheers 
Miscellaneous Yells 
Banquet Toasts 
Hazing the Obstreperous 


Cloth Binding. Price $1.00. Postage 5c. extra. 

FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORPORATION 


SUCCESSORS TO 


DICK & FITZGERALD 

PUBLISHERS 

P. O. BOX 975 18 VESEY STREET 

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Anderson’s Checkers, cloth ....$1.75 

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Debater and Chairman’s Assistant.40 

Dick’s Toasts, Speeches and Responses.40 

Dick’s Comic and Dialect Recitations.40 

Dick’s Commercial Letter Writer.60 

Dick’s Common Sense Letter Writer.60 

Dick’s Dialogues and Monologues.40 

Dick’s Dutch, French and Yankee Recitations.40 

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Dick's 100 Amusements for Evening Parties.40 

Dick’s Palmistry . .60 

Dick’s Quadrille Call Book.50 

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Gossip's Chess Player’s Text Book, cloth. 1.00 

Howard's Odd Fellowship .50 

How to Conduct a Debate.50 

How to Write a Composition. 40 

Hoyle’s Games .75 

Kavanaugh’s New Speeches and Dialogues.40 

Le Normand’s Fortune Teller, boards.50 

Little Lines for Little Speakers.20 

Marache’s Manual of Chess, cloth.75 

Martine’s Droll Dialogues .40 

McBride’s Funny Dialogues .40 

Mother Shipton’s Oriental Dream Book.40 

Ogden’s Model Speeches for School Occasions.50 

Parlor Tricks with Cards.40 

Roberts’ Ritual of the Knights of Pythias.50 

Russian Bank .40 

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